Today's Search: Christmas Ornament Crafts

I know Christmas was a few days ago, but I couldn't help posting these gems. I was looking for some craft ideas for my little munchkin. Of course I was gonna come across a few train wrecks....

I'll start off slow:
This is just weird. Imagine if you ran into this chick in the forest. Would you shoot her? You might be distracted for a second, cuz clearly she's naked, and next thing you know, you've been  gored by her hair antlers. Beware of the creepy ornament wood nymph.

These guys seem pretty tame as well. A sweet little offering of an ornament, but why are they so red? I'm thinking the guy in blue is pretty impressed that his friend magically pulled that ornament out of his butt.

Freaking Twilight...they had to do an ornament, right? But why is it so boring? I'm gonna confess that I read the books, just like everyone else. I have to say, though that there were many more exciting scenes to choose from. Why couldn't they have done an action shot of bella giving birth to her little half vampire child. That would be a true Hallmark moment.

 The description says it all. I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how bout you?

 Go ahead, purchase this ornament. But don't come crying to me when your baby turns up missing.

Poorly made spider. Gotta have one of those.

Is that an igloo made of mashed potatoes. Which one of these is not like the other? Plus the garland in the back makes me sad.

Yes folks. You too can own this pair of giant Christmas ornaments for the low price of $44.99. Part of the proceeds go to the purchase of socks for this young elf.

 This is so not a good profile pic for match.com.

I took off my glasses, but I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for witchcraft class.

 I feel like this little girl is gonna end up in my television warning me that "They're here". Inside are a myriad of fun projects to do with your kids like, "Making Your Own Voodoo Doll", & "It May Appear to be a Real Foot, But I Stitched it Myself!"

I'm pretty sure this is a spleen. Be sure to read the description. Totally worth it.

 This seems dirty to me somehow.

 Look mom! It's a Christmas miracle. I made them all myself. And Fluffy helped!

 Which one do you choose? Cracked out Santa or Inebriated Santa?

 Look mommy! I made another project out of stuff I found in the house!

Oops! It's so windy the snowman fell off his bedpan.

I think this little penguin just saw his first porno.

Gotta end things with the MJ ornaments. Cuz the way to show your family you love them is to buy them this set. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

Merry belated Christmas kiddies!

Scrapbook Gems

So I was in need of some little those little crystal-like doo-dads that you use for scrapbooking. You crafty people know what I'm talkin' about...Did a few different searches for this, cuz I don't really know the technical term for them. This is what I got for "scrapbook gems":

First out the gate is Slash and his family. I know it's cliche, but it's really true that people look like their dogs. This is a perfect example of that. Apparently when we look inside the magazine we're gonna get a peek at his baby. So who is the old man sitting in that woman's lap? I'm getting the whole picture of the baby. Why look inside for a peek? Not one person in this picture looks related except Slash and his pooch.

Here's a doozy. Clearly it's a scrapbook page of this woman's stages of pregnancy. I see the connection. My question is, why are 4-9 headless? Those must have been her angry months. I'm not really thrilled with this layout.

I'm going to name this guy Larry. He's definitely a gem.

And this is Frank. Looks like the lady in the back is making fun of the fact that he's doubled over and out of breath. It's pretty hard to run a race when clearly you're 1000 yrs old. I say the message here is, don't make fun of the elderly. Can you figure out what this has to do with our theme?

Really?

Now it's time for another segment of animal humiliation:
Bunny with a pancake hat.

Dog show. The lady holding the ribbons REALLY wants to be there. I personally like the wagon wheel decor.

Obviously, this guy takes his animals on the road for humiliation. If you look real close, you can see a blow up of what appears to be a fat calico cat. The white picket fence is in actuality an electric fence in which these animals enjoy their own special hell.

A fine group. Seems a bit old timey to me.

Hand down my pants and finger in my nose. Hope to see you on match.com...

And the final blow. Clearly, this photo says scrapbook, so I see the connection there. But still, think of the nice little housewife in the middle of America seeing this photo. I think she'll immediately set her computer on fire and go take a holy water shower.

Today's Search: Guacamole Station

I had a client ask to include a guacamole station for her wedding. I was looking for a little inspiration so I typed "guacamole station" in to bing.
Who is this fine lady? I mean, she's all spiffy in her blazer and ready for some action on her chaise...maybe she was thinking about guacamole and it caused her to take a seat.

 This guy seems to be inspecting his candy cane weapon before heading off to bludgeon the guy who sold him bad tacos. Thwack!

 Where in the phrase did I ask for a group of people sans underpants? Maybe they're headed to a fiesta...where pants are not required. Ole!

 Apparently, this is what you would need to take if you ate the guacamole. You go Prilosec! Way to jump on the people!