Scrapbook Gems

So I was in need of some little those little crystal-like doo-dads that you use for scrapbooking. You crafty people know what I'm talkin' about...Did a few different searches for this, cuz I don't really know the technical term for them. This is what I got for "scrapbook gems":

First out the gate is Slash and his family. I know it's cliche, but it's really true that people look like their dogs. This is a perfect example of that. Apparently when we look inside the magazine we're gonna get a peek at his baby. So who is the old man sitting in that woman's lap? I'm getting the whole picture of the baby. Why look inside for a peek? Not one person in this picture looks related except Slash and his pooch.

Here's a doozy. Clearly it's a scrapbook page of this woman's stages of pregnancy. I see the connection. My question is, why are 4-9 headless? Those must have been her angry months. I'm not really thrilled with this layout.

I'm going to name this guy Larry. He's definitely a gem.

And this is Frank. Looks like the lady in the back is making fun of the fact that he's doubled over and out of breath. It's pretty hard to run a race when clearly you're 1000 yrs old. I say the message here is, don't make fun of the elderly. Can you figure out what this has to do with our theme?

Really?

Now it's time for another segment of animal humiliation:
Bunny with a pancake hat.

Dog show. The lady holding the ribbons REALLY wants to be there. I personally like the wagon wheel decor.

Obviously, this guy takes his animals on the road for humiliation. If you look real close, you can see a blow up of what appears to be a fat calico cat. The white picket fence is in actuality an electric fence in which these animals enjoy their own special hell.

A fine group. Seems a bit old timey to me.

Hand down my pants and finger in my nose. Hope to see you on match.com...

And the final blow. Clearly, this photo says scrapbook, so I see the connection there. But still, think of the nice little housewife in the middle of America seeing this photo. I think she'll immediately set her computer on fire and go take a holy water shower.